It's not often you see an attraction's lifespan play out within your lifetime, where its reputation took a 180 from when it opened to closed. One of those rides is DINOSAUR, closing today in Animal Kingdom. Originally named the much more badass Countdown to Extinction, the ride opened with a poor reputation that gradually improved over time as the attraction received a much-needed reappraisal.
Countdown to Extinction (CTX, god that's soooo goooooood) was Animal Kingdom's one thrill ride at opening in 1998. The only ride in the Dinoland USA part of the park, it had a lot of expectations resting on its shoulders. First, dinosaurs are cool, and I'm still confused as to why Disney has removed all references to them in their parks. Second, it was the east coast debut of the brand-new at the time Indiana Jones Adventure ride system, a hybrid of a traditional dark ride and motion simulator thrill ride. Third, in a park devoid of traditional Disney park elements (or much in general), it was the only audio-animatronic-driven dark ride in the park (the only other AA in the park would be the Hopper figure in It's Tough to be a Bug, and a very brief dinosaur figure in the water by the Discovery River Boats). It was the dual headliner with Kilimanjaro Safaris for Disney's brand new theme park!
CTX was resoundingly rejected by guests at opening. Imagineering made the same cardinal sins they did with Alien Encounter - take something kids would want to interact with and make it scary with loud noises, darkness, and scary figures. Two-hour waits for KS were frequently seen, while CTX barely mustered 20 to 30-minute waits. When FastPass was first test-piloted in the park, it was common to see "free" FP distributed to the ride to increase ridership figures. Fans endlessly compared it to the sister Indiana Jones Adventure in Disneyland with its large sets and cinematic focus. CTX, in comparison, was panned for being too dark, with only flashes of show scenes with AAs.
CTX went down for a brief rework. The triceratops statue in front of the Dino Institute was replaced with the inguanadon Aladar from the and the attraction was renamed to the upcoming 2000s film DINOSAUR. A new ride profile was developed, along with adding more foliage and improving the lighting inside. And finally, the asteroid at the end was replaced with a lunging Carnotaurus head. The attraction was still scary af but some mitigation did improve the ride's reputation.
Dinosaur finally started gaining respect only recently. A 2010s revival of Walt Disney World history and uniqueness vs Disneyland hegemony was taking off with the return of special WDW history like the Orange Bird. Dinosaur was part of this, with folks respecting the ride's AA figures and goals more than at opening. And attendance began to improve, too, as the ride was a good FastPass+ and Lightning Lane reservation. As guests' preferences for rides shifted towards more intense experiences, Dinosaur was primed for a resurgence in fandom.
Dinosaur closes today. I wish it had gone back to CTX, a much better name, and Dinosaurs had remained in a Disney park. But onward to new and exciting experiences with Tropical Americas, Encanto, and Indiana Jones. It's a bit ironic that just as Dinosaur was stepping out of the IJA shadows, the archaeologist comes and stamps the Dino Institute out. I'm also a bit sad that yet another original concept attraction is removed for another movie IP ride as its replacement. Good night sweet price.
Recently word came down that two panned Animal Kingdom attractions were closed for good. On the one hand, it's not too surprising. Rivers of Light never functioned to show standards and Primeval Whirl is a literal death trap. But the staggard closures of attractions at Animal Kingdom point to a bigger issue and problem facing the park that haunts it to this day. Animal Kingdom, at best, remains a half-day park and any attempts to expand into the early evening and night time have failed.
First, why does this matter? If guests enjoy the park then who cares, after all, Flight of Passage is rated by many as the best ride in Orlando. First, there's a value proposition for those purchasing one-day tickets. While these who travel to WDW purchase multiday tickets there is still a good chunk of the audience who purchases one-day tickets and to them, a poor value is something they'll take back to their friends. Second, WDW has to increase infrastructure to handle their guests. A park that is built with the ability to serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner that only serves the first two means another location, like a hotel or park, needs to pick up the slack. This reduces profits and revenue.
Parkscope YouTube is back! This week, we have FOURTEEN Travel Channel specials awaiting release, and we're going to do something a little different. Every night, for seven nights starting Sunday 8/25, we will be Premiering our videos on YouTube at 8 pm and 9 pm, Eastern Time! Join us as we revel in the latest batch of early-2000s travel special goodness! If you miss the theme park specials of 2001/2002, you will have an EPIC amount of fun over the next week, at a time when cable TV is really boring and unfulfilling! It's a win/win for you! Every night we will reveal the next night's two video releases, so check back every day here to Parkscope.net!
"Is it Wild Africa? Are these man-eating dinosaurs? Is this an Asian rafting expedition? No, it's Disney's Animal Kingdom. Imaginary. Endangered. Extinct. If it has to do with animals, you'll find it here. We'll go inside a world of giant grasshoppers, safari adventures, and crazy coasters. Discover how Disney overcame great obstacles to bring this theme park to life. And explore the secrets behind their rides, shows, and animal habitats. It's our journey to the four corners of the world and beyond, at Disney's Animal Kingdom."
"The Walt Disney World Resort in Central Florida is home to over two dozen themed hotels, a nighttime entertainment district, and plenty of activities. It's become an ultimate vacation destination. It's at Disney four theme parks: the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Disney-MGM Studios, Disney's Animal Kingdom, and two water parks, where's you'll find out what ultimate really means!"
Alan and Joe talk about Cedar Fair's earnings call, their plans for their parks, mistakes with smaller parks, and the removal of Volcano: The Blast Coaster. Then we dive into our recent trips to Orlando! Joe talks about his adventure to SeaWorld, Jiko, Animal Kingdom After Hours, and Universal. Alan discusses his long weekend at Epcot, Animal Kingdom, and Hollywood Studios. Then we give our final reviews of Pandora - World of Avatar, the price of theming, the importance of good rides, and more random thoughts.
This is a compilation of several interviews with former Disney CEO Michael Eisner from 1997-2001. Throughout these conversations, Eisner talks at length concerning the death of Frank Wells, his 1998 autobiography "Work in Progress," the purchase of ABC by Disney, the opening of Disney's Animal Kingdom and Disney's California Adventure, his near-fatal bypass operation, the (mistaken?) hiring of Jaimie Tarses at ABC, the 2001 economic recession, the creation of Go.com, and his philosophies on running the television, movie, and theme park divisions of Disney.
It's an incredibly interesting exploration of Michael Eisner's public persona, with the obvious ego, his defiance of what certain people try to tell him to do, and his justifications for certain terrible business decisions (DCA, Go.com, etc.). Besides reading "Work in Progress" or "Disney War," there is probably no better insight into the high-level business decisions of late-1990s Disney.
This week's episode Joe is joined by Dani from Touring Plans and Ben from Disney Photography Blog! We open the show with discussions on Universal's new advertising push on TV and their twitter account and news of Fallon TM previews. Then we dive into the meat of the episode and discuss expansions at Caribbean Beach Resort and Coronado Resort, the death of the tiered resort structure, the much rumored WDW gondola transportation system, and close out with a big review of Rivers of Light.
Warning: this is the longest article you've ever read in your life. It might be better for you to engage in a shorter activity, like fully exploring Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. This is an article about Animal Kingdom. It literally is EVERY thought anyone's ever had about Animal Kingdom. Don't say you haven't been warned. It's about cloning, and more safaris, and C-Tickets, dorms (don't ask), and disco. And it's about what could be done to make Animal Kingdom fresher than ever! To be absolutely fair to you, the reader, I've constructed a full Table of Contents for your upcoming journey, to help you navigate the Light and Dark Worlds. Let the century begin.
Animal Kingdom in
More Words Than You’ve Ever Wanted
5.Characters, C-Tickets, Immersive Theming,
Phase II Expansion
6.Extras: Dining, Behind the Scenes,
Nitghttime Fun
IV.Fin
A. Post-Show Video
Clones, and the Attacks of Said Clones
It is strangely and inherently paradoxical that Disney fans
(and casual visitors) seem to at once welcome and disdain duplicated
attractions. It’s one of the many ongoing battles that designers fight with
executives on, that fans write to executives on, and that fans argue with each
other on. Over the internet age, Disney fans have taken to call this subject
the “cloning” phenomenon. Each interested party has its own views on the
subject, frankly in a rather black-and-white perspective. “Cloning sucks/is
terrible/is bad” is what many old-school Disney fans say. “Cloning is best for
business” is what executives say. Yet in this day and age of discussion boards
and online forums, there are honestly few areas contention that should be less
black-and-white than the cloning question.
Disney, and other theme park chains/franchises/what have you
are part of the cloning business. It comes with the territory. Ever since Walt
proclaimed that his new planned community would have, at the head of Phase 1, a
theme park similar to Disneyland, cloning has become part of the lexicon of the
theme park business. This implies, since we’ve been doing this for almost 50
years now (yes kids, WDW’s 50th is right around the corner, not that
Disney would actually do much of anything about it), that there are many, many
examples of cloning within the theme park ranks, and there are. But when it
comes to sound business decisions, especially when branded entertainment is
involved, cloning goes only so far. Hitting the “Expand Forever” button does
not work, as the Six Flags overexposure of the early 2000s would suggest. So,
like many other business decisions, it’s important to straddle the line when
cloning is involved.
It's good to see Jay Rasulo's team finally got some sun
With this sort of subject, one that is not necessarily
black-and-white, it is not what is
done but rather how it is executed.
Execution, for the most part, is everything. I have yet to meet a person who is
so religiously against cloning that he or she despises the Magic Kingdom at
Walt Disney World, or Tokyo Disneyland. These are, after all, clones, are they
not? Yet even the most pants-on-head devout who would so much microwave his own
spleen before being subjected to another clone thinks MK and TDL really isn’t
so bad, all things considered. So the question is, just where exactly is the line of demarcation? At what point do the
“Exploitation!” alarm bells sound?
Thanks Disney
At both ends of the spectrum, it’s easy to see where both
sides are coming from. The hardcore fans do not like clones. Setting aside the
aesthetic and metagaming reasons here, clones are duplicated at different
parks, and since hardcore fans are frequent visitors at multiple resorts, they
do not like to see a “new ride” being touted at Disneyland when it is “just an
old ride” from WDW. “Why should I go see Winnie the Pooh at Disneyland when
I’ve already seen it at Disney World?” the thinking goes. That’s hard to argue.
Cloned attractions lower the uniqueness, and therefore the value, of a
particular park or resort. The executives, of course, love cloning. If a
particular attraction is popular at one resort (and more importantly, gets more
merchandising revenue), of course it would make sense to duplicate that
popularity at another property. As Kirk Wise would say, “If they laughed at one
banana peel, they’ll laugh twice as
hard at two banana peels!” A cloned
attraction all but guarantees success without paying as much overhead for more
design and R&D, and as a result the attraction’s budget would be greatly
reduced. It’s less risky and has a built-in audience, like a movie sequel. It’s
executive nirvana. The casual visitor, stuck in the middle, doesn’t really care
that much either way. The casual visitor doesn’t visit multiple Disney resorts,
so a SoCal local will be thrilled that she finally gets to ride Tower of Terror
(too soon?)
Of course, this brings the question to the casual visitor,
as to everyone, on whether the cloned attraction was properly executed. After
all, some attractions are far more popular on one coast than the other. A
cloned attraction done improperly can ruin the impact. There are several ways
to both succeed and fail in instituting a cloned attraction, and Disney has
tested every method under the sun in its 45-year cloning history.
The easiest way to hit a home run with a clone is to simply
take the original attraction and expand on it; either give it some additional
scenes, construct more elaborate sets, or build more sophisticated vehicles.
Probably the best examples of this are the Walt Disney World versions of Splash
Mountain and the Haunted Mansion. Both took the baseline model of the original,
enhanced it, added new scenes that augmented the story and did not detract, and
literally upgraded every element possible. In my opinion, this is the best way
to execute a clone.
Another equally valid implementation of a clone is to twist
the original design due to space limitations, while still retaining the
original scope and scale (and budget) of the original. Notice how most
instances of the first method I mentioned were applied at WDW (where there is
space aplenty), and most instances in this second method can be found at Disneyland,
where space considerations come into play. The best examples of this second
method are Disneyland’s Space Mountain and Buzz Lightyear attractions. In each,
space (no pun intended) was much more limited, and the attractions had to be
fit into much smaller buildings (DL’s Space Mountain dome is famously set on
top of a warehouse, unlike the massive WDW cone that contains the entire ’75 attraction).
However, the scope of each attraction (the E-Ticket Space and the C-Ticket
Buzz) was kept appropriately, and each attraction was redesigned but not
condensed. Both are great examples of cloning done well, and artistically
creative to boot.
Joe and Lane start out talking about nighttime Disney's Animal Kingdom before being joined by Mike and then Brian from Orlando to close out the show with some listener questions. Also Mike sanded wood.
One of the most popular attractions in Disney’s vast
constellation of Yesterland amusements is the short-lived Swan Boats ride that
carried guests around the Cinderella Castle moat and down the rivers of
Adventureland (and back). For those of you old enough to remember (and for the
rest, those of you who are at least old enough to care), the Swan Boats constituted
a quiet, peaceful, meandering attraction that allowed guests to gain a greater
appreciation (and an alternate prime-time view!) of the Magic Kingdom’s atmosphere.
Normally I would follow up an introduction like this with a conjoiner sentence
that would proclaim something like: “this unpretentious but tranquil attraction
was a pleasant diversion from the hustle and bustle of the increasingly-packed
North American megapark, a relaxing ‘let’s see the sites’ adventure that, like
the Mike Fink Keelboats and others, the Magic Kingdom seems more agitated
without.” I would have wrote that sentence, or something similar, had I not
been told by some sources that the Swan Boats was at one point considered a “D”
Ticket. A D Ticket! Throw out the “unpretentious!” These power-hungry swans
have egos too big for their own good! No wonder it was closed! I would have…
And now they can refuse to remain seated too?!
What kind of anarchy is this?!
Ahem. Nevermind. It was only a D Ticket for a little while.
And anyway, as righteous indignations go, some research reveals that Disney
back in the day had some real
interesting ideas about how to divide up the ticket stock. In WDW’s inaugural
year, the Main Street Cinema and Swiss Family Treehouse were B Tickets, Dumbo
and the rest of Fantasyland (sans Small World and 20k) were C Tickets, and the
Skyway and Riverboat were D Tickets. Okay, so now it makes more sense for the
Swans, but I feel a little bad for the others who are lower on the scale (and
also, Hall of Presidents was a D Ticket but Tropical Serenade was an E Ticket.
Seriously. That was like giving Marisa Tomei an Oscar...or Frozen Ever After a THEA Award).
Sigh...it hurts...
Back on point, the Swan Boats were a nice little amusement
of the type that the American Magic Kingdoms used to have much more of, and
that one can see throughout many of the amusement parks in America. These are
attractions that today would barely even be considered A Tickets, and only
because they are slightly more exciting than sitting on a park bench. But these
little A Tickets are necessary, I’m sure you’ll agree. We, as paying theme park
guests, would like something to do during the middle of the day when even
Sounds Dangerous has a 30-minute line (or, to put it in more contemporary
terms, an attraction so far off the radar that it doesn’t even have MyMagic+). It’s
a nice relaxing ride, a refresher, similar to small theater attractions like
the Tiki Room but communicating with us on a different visceral level, since we
are now outside, in the sun, and moving instead of inside, in the dark, and
stationary. It’s a ride for kids who can’t go on Space Mountain and for moms
who’ve ridden Small World TOO MANY DAMN TIMES. In fact, it also contributes to
the atmosphere (seeing the Swan Boats sail around Cinderella Castle is quite
lovely) and provides a touch of kinesthetics to the area as it moves down the
waterway. Proponents of Walt’s System Method decry the loss of the Swan Boats,
the Skyway, the Keelboats, and others for these reasons.
"Where does this one go, Mommy?"
"Who cares? It doesn't have a theme song."
Ultimately, what sank the Swan Boats was simply a balancing
exercise of opportunity vs. cost. The Swan Boats cost a lot of money to
maintain, due to their fickle natural gas engines and unwieldy guidance system.
By the time the ride closed for good, only 5 of the original 12 Swan Boats were
in operating condition. The boats also had a low capacity and slow load/unload
times. These, combined with the fact that the Swan Boats were a low-visibility
attraction to begin with, convinced even the Attractions division old-schoolers
that it was time to put the Swan Boats out to pasture, to go to theme park
attraction heaven prepared for them.
IT'S. SO. BEAUTIFUL.
These types of attractions, throughout amusement park
history, are often the ones to get euthanized first, usually for the same
reasons as the Swan Boats. The metrics are different in the amusement park
world since the demise of the Ticket Books and the rise of the all-inclusive
day pass, since it is now demanded that smaller attractions demonstrate their
net worth or else risk the hangman’s noose. It is a fascinating world they live
in, always balancing precariously above a quantifical black hole. Most don’t
make it. Like Animal Kingdom’s old Discovery River Boats.
The Discovery Boats is another attraction that, like
Superstar Limo, made this list despite actually including the notoriously
annoying feature of actually being built. I will be including many “original”
versions of attractions on this list, simply because I think it’s fascinating
to learn the history, business, and politics involved in turning a
once-promising idea into a product that is the entertainment equivalent of a
botched Star Trek Transporter experiment.
Pictured: Journey Into YOUR Imagination
The Discovery Boats suffered the same fate as the Swan Boats
and Superstar Limo: it was a smaller attraction that just couldn’t justify its
continued existence. And, curiously, the reasons for its eventual fate lie
somewhere between Superstar Limo and the Swan Boats (hmmm….as if it were
planned!)
The Discovery River Boats debuted with the opening of
Disney’s Animal Kingdom on Earth Day, 1998 (Disney used to do these cool things
called “advanced planning” and “practical synergy”). It was a somewhat curious
specimen, in that it combined a traditional attraction with a transportation
element. The boats picked up from a dock on the Discovery River in between
Discovery Island and Dinoland, then traversed down Discovery River encircling
the Tree of Life (past Camp Minnie-Mickey and Harambe) before stopping at the
Upcounty Landing dock in Asia. From Asia, the boats would sail through the lake
area across what is now Expedition Everest, past Dinoland, and back to the
Discovery Island dock. In a nutshell, the river boats were sort of trying to be
the Animal Kingdom equivalent of the Disneyland Railroad.
Along the way, the boat skipper would point out very (few)
species of animals that would be putting on a debutante ball and singing tracks
from “My Fair Lady” (okay okay, they were really live animals and would just do
things real animals would do. Sheesh). Besides sailing past the wonderful
Animal Kingdom foliage (including the always magnificent Tree of Life) and a
few wary animals, guests would get a glimpse of a dragon cave that would spew
smoke and fire outside Camp Minnie-Mickey, a group of geysers outside Africa, a
gaggle of animal-shaped fountains and waterfalls outside Asia, and a
full-figure Audio-Animatronic of Aladar the iguanodon from the movie Dinosaur. If you haven’t seen or ridden
it, the ride was tranquil and moved pretty slow, so the sights were few and far
between, which made the ride pretty boring but not a total waste of 15-20
minutes (also, your boat skipper was no Louis C.K., which I guess by default
made the surrounding foliage that much more interesting). Take a look for
yourselves and take a ride around Discovery River:
As you can see,
the ride was pretty pointless, but mostly harmless and unpretentious, something
you might see once on a trip to Animal Kingdom but no more. So why did the
Discovery Boats disappear without a trace less than a year and a half later? Is
this something for the X-Files?
Actually, it might be. As contradictory and confusing as it
is, it was the River Boats’ popularity
that got the dominoes falling. That’s right. POPULARITY. For some reason, like
the cornfield baseball stadium from Field
of Dreams, everyone just had to ride
the Discovery Boats. I’ll bet most of them couldn’t even explain why they were
in line to begin with (and this was before Fastpass+, so they couldn’t make
that excuse). But, line up they did. The lines at the Cast Member previews were
45 minutes long, and on busy summer days during Animal Kingdom’s first year the
line would reach up to 75 minutes. For the Discovery Swan Boats. 75 bloody minutes.
Gaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
This means I'm going to miss the finale of Downton Abbey!
I’m sure the Disney executives were as dumbfounded as anyone
else. There’s no way that this should
have a line of any kind, much less one more than 20 minutes. It doesn’t even
have a weird and unique transportation method like the Skyway or the
PeopleMover…it’s just a boat ride! What’s going on?!
The Discovery Boats just had too many factors working against
it. First, it didn’t have a gang-busting THRC. The capacity of the attraction
was minimal and load times were slow (similar to the water launches from the
Magic Kingdom Resorts), indicating Disney did not anticipate demand. Even
though it seems puzzling on the surface why the attraction had such a high
demand, it should have been obvious that A) Animal Kingdom had very few
attractions to begin with, and guests were looking for things to do, B) The
River Boats were the first attraction the guests see as they walk in from the
Oasis, creating a “Spaceship Earth” effect of “lazy tourist walks into every ride
in order” (okay, okay, so I do that when I visit Kennywood. Don’t make a
federal case out of it), and C) Discovery Island was originally called “Safari
Village,” and caused many people to think that the Discovery Boats were some
kind of safari (which, as we know by now, has the same cache to Animal Kingdom
visitors as a new car on The Price is Right). Seriously.
Hey, it can be both!
(But for real, you have to prepare for literally every walk
of life when you’re planning a theme park. Back when I was a CP, one night I
was closing the merch wagon outside the restroom/locker area at the entrance in
the days BE Before Everest when Animals Kingdom always closed at 5 PM, when
this couple walked into the park at
4:55 as literally everyone else was leaving. They asked me why everyone was
leaving, and I told them after staring at them for a minute, which made them
disappointed. They asked me what else they could do at that time, I told them
Epcot would be open until 9. “Oh…what’s Epcot?” they ask me. Florida tourists,
everybody!)
Anyway, Disney didn’t help the matter when they couldn’t
decide whether the Discovery Boats would be transportation (multiple stops) or
attraction (closed loop). They would have guests who waited 75 minutes be taken
to Asia and then told to get out, to wait another 75 minutes to go down the
other half of the river. The Animal Kingdom Guest Relations staff did not have
very much fun in those first few months.
Anyway, all these factors combined to make the Discovery
Boats the second most loathed attraction at Animal Kingdom, behind Habitat
Habit. Guests ceaselessly complained that there was very little substance on an
attraction they waited over an hour to see. And they weren’t wrong.
So what did Disney do to try to fix it? Not surprisingly,
very little. Instead of replacing the attraction with something snazzier (since
a potential safari-themed boat ride was obviously a very popular idea among
guests), Disney thought the solution was to…add an animal trainer to the boats.
Yep. That’s it. That’s what was missing! I would be totally fine waiting an
hour if I could just be shown a Tarantula up close (said no one ever)! Yeah,
the confined space inside the boats meant that the animal trainer would only be
able to carry around small, caged animals like spiders and snakes. And that
went over about as well as you can imagine.
So, after Disney’s herculean effort to fix things, they went
to the traditional Animal Kingdom, Plan B, which was: change the marketing on
the attraction and re-name the ride! We like to call this the “Nahtazu
strategy.” Certainly that was the missing ingredient. If you tell them what to
think, they’ll have no choice but to think the way you want them to! The
Discovery River Boats became the Discovery River Taxis in November 1998, to tell those pesky Disney guests once and for all that it's a transportation attraction, and nothing else! Can
you guess whether or not it worked? I mean, when Disney sticks its fingers in
its ears and starts yelling at you, you have no choice but to bow to its
wishes, amiright?
So it was on the Plan C, which, at the time, meant SYNERGY
OVERDRIVE. In the late 90s, Disney was in runaway synergy mode, which made it
feel like every ride, attraction, and park bench had to have some sort of
sponsor or movie tie-in. It literally was out of control. This is what led to
the Monster Sound Show and Superstar Television being replaced by the 101
Dalmatians Sound Effects Demonstration and Doug Live. And why we almost got the George of the Jungle Cruise and Journey Into
Imagination almost got turned into a ride based on Flubber. All this was real,
I promise.
The Curse! It's Real!
So Synergy Overdrive, like Red Kryptonite, got its hands on
the Discovery Boats and turned it into (I am so not kidding), the Radio Disney
River Cruise, hosted by Just Plain Mark and Skippy. Yes, this was real. From
the brains behind Imagination and Beyond Tomorrowland which, also,
coincidentally, had a Radio Disney music booth underneath the Rocket Rods in
the traditional Lunching Pad location. All this was real, and we’re somehow all
still alive. Seriously, Disney thought by blasting Britney Spears and the
Backstreet Boys as you’re gently sailing down Discovery River, this will somehow
make guest complaints go down. Wuh?
Anyway, the thing we should keep in mind throughout this
whole process is that it’s not good when a ride/attraction with ride vehicles
which, you know, take you somewhere, is focused on keeping your attention on
anything BUT the atmosphere (*cough Spaceship Earth cough cough*) you know
something has gone horribly wrong. So far Disney has tried to fix an attraction
that has a notorious lack of atmosphere not by improving said atmosphere but by
focusing your attention away from it like it was painted go-away green (*COUGH
SPACESHIP EARTH SHAME ON YOU COUGH COUGH*). And for the Radio Disney Cruise,
they actually created an attraction so pointless that you literally could have
exhumed Frank Sinatra and have him walk around the boat and it still wouldn’t
have generated interest. I mean, why would you create an attraction that is so
wildly, blatantly out of place and against every thematic and tonal principles of the park?
...
Predictably, the Radio Disney River Cruise didn’t even last
six months, and the Discovery River Boats closed for good in August 1999. The
docks can still be viewed and visited as character greeting locations, and the
boats themselves, after persistent rumors that they would show up as part of
the transportation package for Tokyo DisneySea, were never seen again.
Back to the Drawing Board
So how did we get to this point? What convinced Disney back
in the day (before the Pressler Era where pointless rides were expected and
welcomed) to greenlight such a turkey? Well, as you can imagine, the original
version of the Discovery Boats were much more
interesting than what actually ended up being delivered. The sad part is, the
ride concept itself wasn’t too different than the final version, but it would
potentially fix the main mistake of the attraction, which was, you know,
actually giving the guests something to see.
To start, it should be noted that, in the few eyewitness
testimonies that we have, the Discovery Boats were NOT part of the initial
designs of the park that were made in Summer 1993. That’s really neither here
nor there, but it’s interesting to note that the ride was actually not part of
the initial plan.
However, it was in the plans early enough when The Oasis was
still called Genesis Gardens, and Discovery River was still called Safari
River. So the plans do go pretty far back.
Anyway, we’re going back to a time when Beastlie Kingdomme
was still in the Master Plan, which would have given guests lots to see in
between Safari Village and Africa. Let’s take a look at the below map so we can
see the full plans of the attraction one step at a time:
So, from the Safari Village/Genesis Gardens boat dock and
past one or two turns in the river, we come to our first major show scenes,
which would be the Beastlie Kingdomme section (Noted on the map as Scene 3…not
exactly sure what happened to Scenes 1 and 2). In the real 1998 version, this
is where we see a dragon’s cave, hear a dragon roar, then see fire and smoke
belch from the mouth of the cave. But in the original version, where Beastlie
Kingdomme is full blown and watching a dragon strut down the street is about as
common as seeing someone dressed as Macho Man Savage at Wrestlemania, we’re
going to get a super mega-colossal version of the dragon’s cave.
Picture this: as we make our way toward Beastlie Kimdgomme,
the area around the river is strewn with burnt armor, helmets, spears, swords,
etc. from countless knights that have been mercilessly burned into oblivion.
The boat skipper is terrified, trying to silently guide the boat past the
dragon’s cave…
But it’s too late. A full, giant-sized dragon, based on the
gigantic sleeping dragon underneath the castle at Disneyland Paris, thrusts
itself out of the cave and blows fire, roars, belches smoke, and acts in a very
dragon-like fashion. It would have been quite a stunning scene, with a
full-sized second generation dragon Animatronic.
Following the dragon attack, we meet the second member of
our two-headed monster parade. As the boat passes Beastlie Kingdomme proper,
the skipper is again afraid, because it’s been rumored that the Kraken swims in
the waters surrounding Beastlie Kingdomme. Sure enough, before long the water
around the boat starts to bubble, and the boat starts to shake. The fins of the
Kraken rise up above the water. The boat finally passes through after much
water spraying and boat shaking from the Kraken.
Upon leaving Beastlie Kingdomme, the boats enter into an
area covered in mist. The skipper informs everyone that mystical creatures are
said to walk around the riverbank in this area, especially…the unicorn. On cue,
we look up to a jutting rock formation, where an Animatronic unicorn presents
itself and neighs to the passing boat. The boat, of course, slows down so
everyone can take pictures of the very beautiful unicorn as it smiles and, I
dunno, sneezes rainbows into the sky or something. Whatever unicorns do.
Yeah, close enough.
This is all included in the Beastlie Kingdomme section of
the tour. Passing into the Africa section on the map, we come to Scene 4, which
is similar to the final attraction in that it will feature a group of
impressive geysers (not sure why they bother on the map to call them “African”
geysers…I mean, what’s the difference between African geysers and all the other
kinds of geysers?) as well as some animal pastures, featuring animals like the
Bangteng, which were featured in the 1998 version.
Note also, next to that red bullet-shaped thing at the top,
the second boat dock would have technically been on the African side of the
park. Upon stopping at/leaving the African dock, the boats will then pass
through a bird sanctuary (or, as it’s labeled on the map, “Birdland”).
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!
We somehow time travel ahead again to Scene 7 (apparently
this boat ride is like a DVD movie with a six year-old at the remote),
featuring another new element, the Asian deer meadows, in the area currently
belonging to Expedition Everest. It would have been a wonderful opportunity for
Disney to…
don't go there don't go there don't go there
…Apologize to toddlers everywhere for that scene in Bambi. That’s what I was going to say.
We cruise past the “floating fountains,” which were featured
in the video of the 1998 version, and then across from Theater in the Wild we
enter into the “Aquanimals” section, which has me really giddy because I have
no idea what this means. Are we going to go underwater? Are dolphins and whales
going to leap into the sky on our skipper’s cues? Who knows?
Pictured: Paul Pressler's Aquanimals Adventure
Finally, we pass the Dinoland section, which would of course
feature some form of Animatronic dinosaurs at the river’s edge, before we
return back to Safari Village. That was fun!
Further Analysis
What I like about this version is that it just builds on
what is already there. It has the exact same ride layout as the eventual 1998
version. But the Imagineers packed it with interesting things.
As I said at the start of the article, transportation
attractions are fickle things. You either have to A) Provide lots of
interesting things to look at, or B) Make the transportation itself the
attraction, or C) Both. An example of B) would be the Skyway and the Monorail.
The real hook for these rides are the fact that you’re riding in an actual sky
bucket and monorail (this is also why, for example, the gondolas at the
Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas remain to be popular but the Luxor Hotel’s old Nile
River Cruise was in operation only slightly longer than the time it will take
me to finish this sentence. The gondolas are unique, and fit the atmosphere of
the Venetian perfectly). An example of A) would be the Grand Canyon Diorama /
Primeval World section of the Disneyland Railroad. An example of C) would be
the PeopleMover, which is an attraction in itself but also features show scenes
and some interesting visuals.
The Discovery River Boats are just that. Boats. There’s
nothing special about them. So, in order to make them special, and interesting,
you have to make the show scenes interesting, or else you’ll have a very bland
and tedious attraction that simply moves guests from point A to point B. With a
low capacity, this is not conducive to successful entertainment.
But the original version packs interesting details into
every section of the ride. The Dragon encounter, the Kraken, the Unicorn, the
geysers and fountains, the birds, the deer, the aquanimals, the dinosaurs. All
of these elements would give guests something to see throughout the tour,
justifying the boats as an actual attraction.
In fact, this attraction as presented could have been by far the most interesting
transportation attraction in all of the Disney theme park canon. It would
basically be like a combination of the steam trains and the Backlot Tour, where
guests would be caught in an interactive show scene at every turn. That would
really have made the attraction one of the most interesting and exciting rides
in the Disney theme park empire.
History
So what happened? How did we go from chicken salad to…chicken…uh…soup
(hey, it’s a Disney blog)? Well, as you can imagine, it was due to budgets (for
those of you new to Disney theme park history, practically everything bad about
most attractions is due to budget cuts of some kind or another. Save for Paul
Pressler and friends, there’s really no one at Disney who delights in going
around to certain attraction design concepts and hacking the fun out of them).
The main culprit, as usual, was Euro Disney, as well as Disney’s America.
Euro Disney’s failure and $3 billion debt convinced Michael
Eisner and his Strategic Planning Gestapo that the Parks and Resorts division
had to drastically cut their budgets , which led to Animal Kingdom’s first
round of budget cuts. The second round of budget cuts occurred, curiously,
because of Disney’s America. One of the biggest failures of Disney’s America
was that Disney did not seek out consultation from the country’s leading
historians and politicians straight away. Disney took a “we’ll be just fine by
ourselves” approach, which caused rampant jealousy and ill will among the elite
members of America’s historical societies, causing them to verbally decimate
the plans for Disney’a America when they were finally released. Eisner did not
want tot make the same mistake twice, so Disney hired dozens of the world’s leading
animal experts as consultants. Predictably, each of them commanded a very high
consultation fee.
The final, and unexpected, round of budget cuts occurred
when the Imagineers realized that the backstage areas of Animal Kingdom, the
areas where the animals would be kept, fed, and cared for, would cost far, far
more than what was originally anticipated. Now, if this were, say, any time
before 1992 (Euro Disney), Eisner and Wells would have given the Imagineers a
bigger budget to both provide for the necessary backstage areas and for the
full implementation of the attractions in the park. Unfortunately, now that we move
into post-Euro Disney, Eisner had given strict orders to the Imagineers that
they need to stick to the original $800 million budget. Which means, if there
are cost overruns in one area (a certain attraction or in the backstage areas),
they’ll just have to take the budget away from another area.
This led to the creation of Animal Kingdom being a fantastic
case study of creative engineering and budgetary planning, but as we know it
did not bode well for the eventual Animal Kingdom product. The budget slashing
due to the backstage cost overruns turned Animal Kingdom into a half-day park,
not what Disney should be presenting to the public without showing some shame
for it.
And the Discovery River Boats were a microcosm of what
happened to Animal Kingdom (I’ll be detailing Animal Kingdom’s budget cuts in
more detail in a later article). As we know, the Discovery Boats lost their
deer meadows, bird sanctuary, and aquanimals. The many dinosaur Animatronics
were whittled down to one, specifically, an Aladar figure to promote the soon-to-be-released Dinosaur movie. When Animal Kingdom lost Beastlie Kingdomme, the
boats lost their Kraken and Unicorn.
Sources say that Joe Rohde begged and pleaded with Michael
Eisner to just keep the dragon. Even by giving up the rest of the farm, the
dragon was like the prize racehorse, the derby winner, the one that would
justify the farm’s continued existence. Even with so many elements of the
attraction stripped away, it’s very possible that, leaving in the original AA
dragon, the Discovery Boats could have at least survived until now with that
one “must-see” element. But Eisner wouldn’t have it. He said the Imagineers had
to stick to the budget, no exceptions. And so the once mighty roar of the Discovery
River Boats were turned into a whimper, as the full figured dragon became just
a growl, smoke, and fire effects.
Final Analysis
As I’ll detail in a later article, Animal Kingdom is one of
the most fascinating cases of theme park budgeting. When you are given a
budget, and are held to that budget, what do you cut first? Do you cut entire
attractions, or just portions of those attractions? Would you rather have 10
“B+” rides or 7 “A-“ rides? How would you prioritize which attraction gets cut
first? I think it’s a fascinating business case study.
So, do you think Disney should have just cancelled the
Discovery Boats and folded its budget onto something else, like a new
attraction in Dinoland? Or perhaps a bigger budget for Asia? The problem is,
Animal Kingdom has such few attractions to begin with, and you’re slashing
capacity even more by canceling the attraction. So do you just open a
half-basked attraction for capacity’s sake and hope the general public just
yawns it off? Is there even a right answer?
One of the most intriguing Disney “what would you do’s?” of
today is “what would you do with the Discovery River Boats?” Would you re-open
it? Replace it with something new? It’s a very tough question. On the one hand,
the infrastructure already exists, so it would be easier to just add
figures/scenes/animals/whatever to what’s already there. But, on the other
hand, you can’t really change the attraction. After all, you can’t really
change the river. So, you can’t really make it that much different. That’s an issue. You’re also left with the
same problems from before. Do you make it a clear transportation attraction to
keep the line down (though the lack of things to see would raise the same
issues as before)? Or, do you make it into a full-fledged attraction, which would
not provide the service of transporting guests from one side of the park to the
other?
Given the poor reception it received upon opening, it seems
like a no-brainer to keep it closed. Yet, Animal Kingdom is sorely lacking in
the capacity department (doesn’t help those Per-Caps any), and could use an
atmospheric B or C Ticket (or two, or three) in the Peoplemover/Motorboat
Cruise mold. Wouldn’t the answer be not to shut down the boats, but to offer
more such rides?
In my opinion, you could honestly go any way on this, and
potentially have it work. I’m always of the opinion that there is no such thing
as a bad idea, just bad execution. Let’s explore some simple options. I’m not
counting the option to keep the river closed, since DAK is sorely lacking in
capacity and the river is prime real estate. We have to put something there. And I’m not talking
about the “character barges” that they’ve used the boats for from time to time
or the “dinner cruise” that Disney’s talked about (seriously, does it seem like
Disney just can’t build anything without attaching a cash register?). I’m
talking about something substantial. There’s probably two dozen good ideas out
there of what to do with this space. Teams of designers can show us how.
Really, all we have to do is create an experience that will fulfill our
capacity requirements and have the
added bonus that we will not have our guests running and screaming out of the
attraction crying bloody murder. It’s a tough task (apparently), but needs to
be done. Here are three very basic, very general alternatives that could also
be creatively enhanced in dozens of ways:
1 Make it a strict transportation attraction. To
do this, add a third dock somewhere between Harambe and Pandora. Work on
increasing the capacity as much as possible. Since this will still be an
open-air boat experience, do what you have to do. Make the boats smaller to
allow for faster loading and unloading, make the boats bigger to provide for
separate entrances and exits, drastically increase the number of boats,
whatever. Use it strictly for transportation purposes. Like the steam trains,
no one should have to wait more than 10 minutes for the experience. To enhance
the experience, you could provide a more interesting transportation method
(glass-bottom boats? It’s the return of the aquanimals!), or add more animals
to the surrounding habitat, or add some show scenes around the track with
scenes from the Lion King, Jungle Book, Bambi, whatever. Pandora’s there too. Sky’s
the limit.
2 Make it a full attraction, round-trip excursion.
Eliminate the Spaceship Earth effect by using the Asia dock as the load/unload.
You could do quite a lot with this: provide a traditional Disney “tour” type of
experience with emphasis on the skipper, a la Jungle Cruise or Great Movie Ride,
provide a Disney character-themed cruise (a la Goofy’s Superstar Limo), etc.
Along with everything mentioned in #1, you could also add temples/tunnels that
would act as extended show scenes to replace the more mundane portions of the
ride. I also love the idea of “Birdland”…what if we entered a giant bird
sanctuary, similar to the ones found in zoos all over the country? Kids would
get a big kick out of that.
3 Build something completely non-boat ride
related. Fill in portions of the river and build nature trails or attractions,
or anything. Make a hover-boat ride, if that’s the big thing at the next IAAPA expo.
Just do something with the land! I don’t care if it’s the second coming of the
Luxor Hotel and Casino Nile River Boat Ride!
I still do love the idea of the Dragon and the Kraken (and
the aquanimals!!!) version of the ride. Even with its potentially confusing “is
it a ride or is it a ferry” question, I think there would have been plenty of
excitement to justify a longer wait. And I think Animal Kingdom would have been
better for it. It certainly would give some interesting views, and given the
Discovery River a real purpose. It’s sad to see the connecting river at the
center of the park just be dead real estate. As Walt once said, “we need a full
river!”
YAAAAUUUUSSSS!!! Coming in 2018!!!
Send Jeff a line at HamGamgee@gmail.com, or follow him on Twitter @ParkscopeJeff.
