Friday, June 19, 2015

An Open Letter to Adventurers Club Fans

Kungaloosh y'all,

Listen, we need to talk.  The jig is up.  We tried.  It is over.  The Edison is taking over the former club, and Trader Sams is open at the Polynesian Village.  We had a nice run, and we made some outstanding memories that will last us until our adventures to the other side.  For now, it is time to move on.


Disney does not care about you or me.  It does not care about anyone.  Disney is a multinational, multifaceted media conglomerate, and its sole purpose is to pad its bottom line, no matter the cost.   At Disney Springs, Disney wants to be a land lord.  That was the company's "bold new vision" that then-VP Kevin Lansberry touted when Pleasure Island closed.  We tried writing letters to executives, we tried buying products, and we tried buying the Kungaloosh whenever it came back to various bars.  We even tried packing showings of Comedy Warehouse at the comically-underbuilt Disney's Hollywood Studios.  Our protests and efforts did nothing but annoy management, I am sure.  If anything, perhaps we did more harm than good.

To Disney, Adventurers Club fans are now a bit of joke (if we were not already.)  They view us as "easy marks", and in many cases, they are right.  I am no longer one of Disney's marks, but sadly, I cannot say the same for many of you.  Disney does not care if you go to Trader Sams or not.  They only care that you buy drinks when you go.  Drinks make money.  Disney loves money, as making money is its purpose.  Trader Sams makes Disney money.  The Edison will be make money for Disney solely off of rent.  Collecting money is easy.  Putting on a nightly show with 7 equity actors + technicians and staff is not easy.  Sure, the Adventurers Club made money, but it made money the hard way, and many of us did not contribute our fair share (I will be the first to admit.)  I am not saying Disney is right, but I have accepted what Disney is.

If you want to go to Trader Sams, go to Trader Sams; however, please refrain from trying to order a Kungaloosh.  Trader Sams is not the Adventurers Club.  Trader Sams does not have the ingredients to make the Kungaloosh daiquiri.  Trader Sams is a tiki bar; it serves tiki drink in collectible tiki mugs.  I am sure you can find a tasty beverage that strikes your fancy.  Be adventurous and try new things!  Save the word "Kungaloosh" for toasting your friends.  I think everyone would be receptive to and enjoy that.  That is really what the word is for.  Truth be told, the word deserves more than to be associated with a strawberry daiquiri. 

I know some will say, "But Cap. they have Kungaloosh on the 'secret menu' at Trader Sams West!"  Well, go out there then, and experience a superior Disney resort.  Enjoy the little nod to fans.  However, I would suggest to you that there is too much baggage at Walt Disney World for it to ever come to Grog Grotto.  If you keep asking for it, it will almost certainly never come.  Quit feeding into the stereotype that Disney and ourselves have branded us with.  Stop being a mark.  Stop buying things in hopes that Disney will see fit to rebuild extinct attractions.  They will not.  Please stop annoying hourly Cast Members that get enough abuse from Disney; they do not need more abuse from you.  You are not clever, nor are you casual, you are annoying, and they can see you coming from a mile away.

I have accepted what Disney is and what I am.  I still think that Disney Springs is probably a huge mistake, but Disney will make money regardless.  After 7 years, I may finally be at peace with what happened.  I had fun at the Adventurers Club, and Disney cannot take that away from me.  I am now at a place where I think I can visit Trader Sams and the Edison.  I will not try to order a Kungaloosh at either.  I know how to make drinks at home, it is not difficult.  If you see me, feel free to say hello and greet me with a hearty "Kungaloosh" and give me the salute.  I will be delighted.  They cannot take that away.  Please stop being a mark.  Respect yourself and your memories.



P.S. Love everybody. Hate everything.


  1. Congratulations on arriving at a place that most of us arrived at 6 years ago. I'm sorry it took you 7 years to get here, but welcome to the party. We're glad to have you in our club.

  2. Don't pretend anyone accepted it six years ago.