After having written this blog for so many years, we thought
it was high time to give back to our faithful readers with a real, unfiltered
mailbag article! Now you can become part of the Parkscope family, and be
famous! Like us! (Thinks) Um…
These are real questions from real readers.
I didn’t buy my
tickets for Star Wars! And now they’re sold out! Help!
--S. Martinez, Los
Angeles, CA
Parkscope: Oh no! We didn’t either! And good heavens, we
didn’t realize that it was just playing on one day, in a tiny limited amount of
theaters only in Los Angeles, New York, and Bangkok! We were under the
impression it was an omni-glut mega movie rollout that will play at 4,000+
theaters around the country and continue for several months! Boy, were we
stupid!
Disney raised the
prices for Annual Passes again. Is this all they know how to do? Don’t they
know they’re pricing out their most valued customers?
--D. Amezcua, Tustin,
CA
Parkscope: To be fair, let’s give credit where credit is
due. Disney also knows how to:
1)
Close beloved attractions forever
2)
Sue their competition out of business
4)
Play the same three princess songs all the time,
everywhere
5)
Open merchandise stores at attraction exits
So let’s be a little less critical of Disney, shall we?
They’re doing the ABSOLUTE BEST they can with their $130 billion market cap,
and their stock that has multiplied by a factor of seven since 2009. I mean,
what ELSE could they POSSIBLY do with all that money?
Hello,
I think your park is
too crowded. I went there yesterday for Halloween and I couldn’t ride anything
because of the lines. You need to do a better job of kicking people out,
especially the ones who dress like Trump.
--Billy, Clearwater,
FL
Parkscope: Our most sincere apologies! Once we build a park
on our website, we promise we will kick out more people than we do now. In the
meantime, to make up for this inconvenience, if you print this page out you can
use it as free admission to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party! Just walk on up with this page to the
front gate. Tell them Buck sent you.
One time you said
that the broken bust in the Haunted Mansion wasn’t Walt Disney, but it totally
is! Otherwise how would he have gotten that moustache?
--M. Bohn, San
Francisco, CA
Parkscope: Indeed! Great catch, by the way. We didn’t even
realize it was Walt Disney until we saw that moustache! We don’t know why we
didn’t see it, after all he looks just like he does in his final portrait
hanging above his secret tomb underneath Cinderella Castle!
Do you know how I can
be an Imagineer? I always wanted to do that but never knew how. Is there a
number I can call?
--P. Guzman, Houston,
TX
Parkscope: Yes! Call the Team Disney Anaheim information
line at (714) 781-3463. Tell them you want to become an Imagineer and ask them
who you can send your portfolio to. If they don’t give you a name, send your
portfolio to Attn: Professional Recruiter at 700 W Ball Rd, Anaheim, CA, 92802.
Then send all of your theme park attraction ideas to Disneyland Guest
Communications, via e-mail and hard copy, to really impress them with your
creativity! They’ll love you for doing that! You’ll be a shoe-in. And if they
don’t hire you, it means one of the few bad apples at Disney is trying to steal
your ideas! So when you see your attraction ideas come to fruition in a few
years (the similarities might be small, but that’s only because the Imagineers
are trying to hide their plagiarism) get them back with an intellectual
property lawsuit! Disney will be forced to hire you on the spot as part of
their settlement! You can’t lose!
Should I even pay for
cable anymore? I don’t even watch sports but they force me to pay for ESPN.
Disney is evil :(
--P. Frost, Wichita,
KN
Parkscope: You think that’s bad, we hear now you can’t enter
the Magic Kingdom if you’re not wearing an Anna or Elsa costume! Are they out
of control or what?
Feel like making your
relationship what it used to be? Now you can get Viagra online straight to your
mailbox! Click on the link below to learn how!
--K7po9%#11111
Parkscope: Sorry, our filter was off. We don’t get letters
like that very often. We promise.
I was walking in the
park the other day, and I noticed that you’ve taken out a lot of the Outdoor
Vending carts. You really should put them back, they’re far less expensive than
the over-spent and over-staffed QSR locations, and the SPLH metrics guarantees
a continued increasing profit margin. Close more restaurants.
--P. Pressler,
PPressler@GAP.com
Parkscope: (**throws water**) THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS
YOU!!!
You can send your (real this time), unfiltered questions to parkscopeblog@gmail.com, or send us a
message on Twitter!
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